Valentine’s Day is the exchanging of cards and the giving of hearts full of candy to people we love.  That doesn’t only mean with a spouse or partner, well it can mean them, but it can also mean that Valentine’s Day is for girlfriends too!

Mom’s favorite – Bleeding Hearts

I’ve had friends who have seen me at my worst, a BFF who knows the size of my liver, sisters who are friends and friends who seem like sisters since I’ve known them forever.  I’ve had teachers, doctors, hair stylists and yoga instructors who I consider friends because we’ve looked and found the best in each other.  And while defining girlfriends, I recently read an article about the 8 types of friends a woman should have.  Is that all?

My girlfriends have counseled each other, celebrated with each other and mourned together.  They’ve been there to tell me (in a graceful manner), that I’m doing something stupid but they would still love me.  They’ve been there to laugh with, cry with and just be still with.  They’ve changed my surgical dressings, brushed my hair and took me to doctor appointments.  They supported me through major life changes because they know I’ll be there for theirs.  They’ve moved away, but never really do.  And as we always say… husbands and partners come and go, but girlfriends will last forever.

I think of my friends with such awe.  Not on a pedestal, because we all have that occasional ‘fail’ but because they pick themselves up and keep on going without a second thought. They’d be there in a minute, or in my case, a few hours by plane or car and they ALWAYS, no matter how busy or buried with work, find time to talk with me about anything, even a really, really bad haircut.

Valentine’s Day is for Girlfriends too!

A couple of years ago a friend needed some special prayers; I reached out to a few of the women I knew.  That “few” has now grown into an amazing prayer group of 34 women from across the country.   This is a group of women who want to help even in the smallest way – which turns out to be the biggest way, emotionally and spiritually supporting someone they don’t even know.  Most of them have never met, some I’ve never met, but all are cyber ‘girlfriends’ to each other and those who need a little something extra to get them through the day – incredible!

Don’t take your friends for granted even though they’ll probably love you forever.  They’re soft and gushy inside and not always the rock they portray.

My heart does ache a bit as I’ve had to let some really amazing women leave my life because I felt I had failed at being the person they wanted me to be, I had let them down in all my human-ness.  I also needed to let go of some whose drama outweighed the joy.  I am blessed, though, to have learned from the lessons they left me.

So Happy Valentine’s Day and thank you my dear girlfriends for giving me that very special piece of you, like a little piece of chocolate from a heart shaped box.  Your presence in my life has been and always will be — awe-inspiring!!

Grateful for you,

Sheree

50 years ago…

You are living in a world that seems to be awakening to the realization that humans*, are NOT defined by the color** of their skin.  The 60’s are an era of discovery and you, my dear, will be a teen in an erupting time.  Though mom and dad raised us to be colorblind, our grandparents were raised in a completely different era.  Understanding their history will help you understand those in the future, who can’t see things the way you do.

In this decade you have watched in sadness the death of great leaders and you will observe a war many don’t agree with.  You are going to sit in disbelief at Olympic athletes being killed.  You will watch, with so many questions, the riots over basic human rights and marches on cities that won’t allow certain humans to eat at restaurants, drink out of water fountains or vote.  And you’re going to wonder why, why does the color of skin matter?  How can something that protects us cause so much pain?  You are going to make a promise to yourself that you will always be colorblind and you will teach your children to also see that way.

You will see incredible strides in industry, a human land on the moon, the creation of computers, wireless devices, and incredible advances in science.  And even though such incredible growth in your world surrounds you, the lessons that your world is being given, the lives that are being lost for causes and the ability to forgive — will be forgotten.

It is 50 years later and I hate to share this with you, dear one, but we are still dealing with the issue of color, name calling and the inability to forgive.  Every side on this subject has failed to grow, learn or remember what went on so many years ago.   We criticize a war in the Middle East that has lasted nearly 100 years, but this part of our history seems as if it will go on forever.  Will we ever outgrow the issue of color? It seems we refuse to let it heal so we can grow together, instead of separately.

I still have questions after all these years, the same ones you may be asking yourself after reading this letter.  Why have the deaths, marches and riots, and what they meant to accomplish, been forgotten?  Why is it ok to judge the privileged or disadvantaged when we have no idea of their story, how they got there, what they did or didn’t do and what caused their circumstances?

Instead of instilling pride after all the lessons of the 60’s we seemed to have instilled a sense of entitlement.  So many people, of every shade, believe they are “owed” something, because of century-old injustices.  Instead of moving forward together, we work to keep the mistakes of the past alive.  Instead of celebrating the accomplishments that surround us, the people who work hard, and the people who defend us, we sit and discuss ad nauseam as to what hasn’t worked, what isn’t working, and why we haven’t been given more instead of working harder.  And at the same time we speak badly about those who do work hard and those who risk everything to protect us. Sadly, my young self, the one thing that seemed to bring us all together, every color on the planet, has been tragedy.  Every disaster that has brought sadness and loss — has united humankind.  How ironic…

I’m not writing this to scare you, or make you think that nothing good has happened in the last 50 years.  AMAZING things have occurred, incredible people have done outstanding things and simple everyday people have changed the lives of so many.  I’m sharing this with you so you will stand up to injustice; you will take pride in whatever job you do; you will remain colorblind and continue to be compassionate to those who are less fortunate and cheer on those who are more successful.  And that you, little one, only speak words that YOU would love to hear.

I leave you with two quotes that you may not fully understand at 10 years old, but will hopefully keep you on a positive journey to becoming me…

1. How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. — Anne Frank
2. I wish to preach, not the doctrine of ignoble ease, but the doctrine of the strenuous life, the life of toil and effort, of labor and strife; to preach that highest form of success which comes, not to the man who desires mere easy peace, but to the man who does not shrink from danger, from hardship, or from bitter toil, and who out of these wins the splendid ultimate triumph. — Theodore Roosevelt

So, dear 10 year-old me,  I leave you to riding bikes, building forts and dreaming, and ask only one thing of you … don’t forget to remember!

Grateful for you,

An older and hopefully wiser – Sheree

* Human – A member of the species to which men and women belong to; a person, viewed especially as having imperfections and weaknesses (Encarta Dictionary: English (North America))

** Color – The property of objects that depends on the light that they reflect and is perceived as red, blue, green or other shades (Encarta Dictionary: English (North America))

The week between Christmas and New Years has always been a clearing out week for me, a time to lighten our load. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get started until now, but better late than never.

By clearing out I’m not talking about starting a diet because of all the cookies consumed during the holidays, it’s more like a lightening – clearing out things I’ve accumulated throughout the year(s). While I’m packing away the Christmas décor, which makes me a bit sad as the glitter returns to its home, I clean out and donate Christmas items I know I’ll never use again.  I start to look around the house, minus all the festive excess, with new eyes and a sense of renewal.  When the bins are packed away in the garage I start the process with that one ‘junk’ drawer in the kitchen and then move to the bottom of a closet, then I take a break and write birthdays on the calendar, although the electronic age has now eliminated that step.  This feeling of lightening spreads to bookshelves, corners of our home I hardly visit, and to the areas behind drawer fronts and doors.

When is the last time you can honestly say you looked into your cabinets and said, “Do I really need that?” or “When’s the last time I used this?” We surround ourselves with so many physical, mental and emotional THINGS that we occasionally need to remove the extras, the non-used, the non-worn, the non-looked upon items so we have a lighter area to rest our souls.  As a designer, I’ve worked with clients and friends who still have LOTS of boxes filled with THINGS that they’ve cleared out of their parent’s homes, or they’re downsizing and stress about letting go of serving dish or two because they may need them “one” day.  Every box, piece of clothing, plate or dish carries its own energy, an energy that also takes up space as it resides in your life or home.

This sort of looked like my mind….

I decided it was time to tackle my overflowing recipe card box.  Yes I still have paper recipes that are not stored on a thumb drive.  I can honestly say I haven’t looked at about 95% of those recipes in years.  So I took a half-hour, sat down and started looking at each card, each clipping and scrap of paper I collected for the last 40 years. I fondly remembered who gave me the recipe, how we enjoyed sharing the well prepared dish then I asked myself if I’d ever bake a seven layer cake made with mayonnaise.  Well I wouldn’t so I lovingly dropped the card into the garbage.  I did keep one or two cards that were handwritten by my mom for sentimental reasons, but the lightening of that box helped me continue my visit to each room, especially the hidden places.

Searching through our things was sort of a hunt for treasure and when non-used, non-worn or ignored items were found, I was thought how grateful I was for ever having them.  I acknowledged that donating the items would give someone the same warm feeling that I felt when receiving them originally, then off to the donation box they went.

You can do this with kitchen items, accessories, tools, bedding, clothing and shoes.  We downsized from 3500 sq. ft. to 1300 and I can still find things that need a new home – elsewhere.

If you are still holding on to things from your parents who have passed on or a beloved great aunt, I truly believe that they would want their things to be used by someone who needs them, instead of sitting in a box in your garage or basement or a storage unit you pay money for, to never look at the things you never use.

Now when you get on a roll, don’t stop with your house or garage, lightening can also encompass acquaintances, social media or anything that randomly wastes your time and does not truly bring you JOY.

Feeling lighter already…

So even though I’m 14 days late I’m asking you to lighten up your life this year, really eliminate things you haven’t touched in over a year, clothing you haven’t taken off a hanger in a decade and remove the un-used, the un-worn, and the un-loved.  Make another human happy – NOW – with your treasures or the treasures of family that have gone before you and open up the space in your home and life for amazing things to happen!

Grateful for you,

Sheree

Good-Bye Sweet Girl

Dear KS,

I got the call Sunday night from Emma. She was sobbing so hard I couldn’t understand her. Finally she gasped and said you had died. Thank God the sofa was behind me, it softened my fall. The next thing I remember I was starting to pack, your service is on Tuesday. I sat staring at my closet and tried to figure out what to wear to say good-bye to you; a 24 year old who was still a young, dirt-clot throwing,  mayonnaise loving little girl, in my eyes.

Your teammates sent out the news to each other faster than the speed of light. A collective sense of horror went ripping through their hearts as they tried to get their heads wrapped around what had happened. I’m sure they were asking themselves, could we have done more, should we have done more or just why?

The drive on Monday to Phoenix was dotted with memories of the many trips we took to soccer tournaments in California. You were in every one of the landmarks I passed, the windmills, the dinosaurs and the Subway that saved my wallet. Tears flowed freely and nearly could have ended the drought in California.

So it’s Tuesday and the amount of people at the church would have made you speechless, which for you, one of the most literate people I’ve known would have been a first. The parking lot of the church was overflowing, people walking in from streets nearby.

The church was filled with your family and friends, and then there were your teammates. Some of the girls had just left town after the holidays, but others rescheduled their trips and some left work, as everything seemed secondary to saying a last good-bye to you. The sense of loss that hung in the air was stifling and I’m sure that many of the girls had never experienced this type of sadness before. So many of the parents who cared for you during the soccer seasons also came to say good-bye.

There was a slide show that included pictures of a little KS to the beautiful adult woman you grew into and your favorite music was playing, Patty Griffin, which made it even harder for me to breath as you loved sharing her music with me. As I listened to your Dad speak and watched the slide show I thought about how you must have been feeling. Perhaps in those dark moments when the tunnel vision of despair surrounded you, it was impossible for you to know. To know just how many lives you touched and changed just by being such a special type of person. You left us all a little more enlightened.

You may not know the ripples that were caused by your last breath, the closing of your eyes or the absence of your spirit, but I could see the effect of it in the eyes of every person who was seated in that church. How they wished they could have helped you someway, somehow,  and to let you know how valuable you were.

I know some believe that taking your own life was an act of cowardice, but I disagree. I believe you had a form of blindness. A form that kept you from seeing beyond the despair, that kept you from seeing that there was hope, that there were family and friends to help and that there was a spot in the universe created just for you. And now we need to wait to have that void filled. After the puffy eyes have gone down, and the hurt in our hearts heal a bit we’ll be able to fill that space with the memories of your laughter, your wisecracks, your loquacious vocabulary and that smile that melted our hearts.

So please give my puppies a pet, enjoy talking with your grandma and try not to outwit or talk politics with the Big Guy….He’s actually someone who’d win the debate.

I’m Grateful for having you in mine and my family’s life – even for a sliver of time.

Love,

Sheree