Good-Bye Sweet Girl

Dear KS,

I got the call Sunday night from Emma. She was sobbing so hard I couldn’t understand her. Finally she gasped and said you had died. Thank God the sofa was behind me, it softened my fall. The next thing I remember I was starting to pack, your service is on Tuesday. I sat staring at my closet and tried to figure out what to wear to say good-bye to you; a 24 year old who was still a young, dirt-clot throwing,  mayonnaise loving little girl, in my eyes.

Your teammates sent out the news to each other faster than the speed of light. A collective sense of horror went ripping through their hearts as they tried to get their heads wrapped around what had happened. I’m sure they were asking themselves, could we have done more, should we have done more or just why?

The drive on Monday to Phoenix was dotted with memories of the many trips we took to soccer tournaments in California. You were in every one of the landmarks I passed, the windmills, the dinosaurs and the Subway that saved my wallet. Tears flowed freely and nearly could have ended the drought in California.

So it’s Tuesday and the amount of people at the church would have made you speechless, which for you, one of the most literate people I’ve known would have been a first. The parking lot of the church was overflowing, people walking in from streets nearby.

The church was filled with your family and friends, and then there were your teammates. Some of the girls had just left town after the holidays, but others rescheduled their trips and some left work, as everything seemed secondary to saying a last good-bye to you. The sense of loss that hung in the air was stifling and I’m sure that many of the girls had never experienced this type of sadness before. So many of the parents who cared for you during the soccer seasons also came to say good-bye.

There was a slide show that included pictures of a little KS to the beautiful adult woman you grew into and your favorite music was playing, Patty Griffin, which made it even harder for me to breath as you loved sharing her music with me. As I listened to your Dad speak and watched the slide show I thought about how you must have been feeling. Perhaps in those dark moments when the tunnel vision of despair surrounded you, it was impossible for you to know. To know just how many lives you touched and changed just by being such a special type of person. You left us all a little more enlightened.

You may not know the ripples that were caused by your last breath, the closing of your eyes or the absence of your spirit, but I could see the effect of it in the eyes of every person who was seated in that church. How they wished they could have helped you someway, somehow,  and to let you know how valuable you were.

I know some believe that taking your own life was an act of cowardice, but I disagree. I believe you had a form of blindness. A form that kept you from seeing beyond the despair, that kept you from seeing that there was hope, that there were family and friends to help and that there was a spot in the universe created just for you. And now we need to wait to have that void filled. After the puffy eyes have gone down, and the hurt in our hearts heal a bit we’ll be able to fill that space with the memories of your laughter, your wisecracks, your loquacious vocabulary and that smile that melted our hearts.

So please give my puppies a pet, enjoy talking with your grandma and try not to outwit or talk politics with the Big Guy….He’s actually someone who’d win the debate.

I’m Grateful for having you in mine and my family’s life – even for a sliver of time.

Love,

Sheree

It’s a week before Christmas and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, well that’s not really true

The exterminator’s coming tomorrow at dawn

To check out the noise we heard near the flue

The gifts have been wrapped

And the stockings are hung

Just waiting for the daughter and grand-cat to come

While our son and his girlfriend head out to her parents

To visit and play and drink buttered rum

Before Christmas ends I need to review

All the things we have done and all we’ve been through

Graduations, and weddings and trips all this year

Plus I started this blog with quite a few cheers

As we wait for Sir Claus and his crazy reindeer

We reflect the true meaning and I’m very sincere

The birth of the Son, the One of a kind

The One who emanates such peace of mind

So to you and your family

So far from my sight

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

Grateful for you,

Sheree

Special Note:  My sister-in-law, Joy Cannis, just published a beautiful story – When This Isn’t “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” – on her blog about people who can’t see the wonder in this season and why.  It’s a beautiful reminder to check in on those who have had a loss this year.

As I headed home from a trip a few weeks ago, I was once again given a reminder about gratitude.  I noticed a bit of a cold coming on, when WHAM, I needed to buy stock in the tissue industry!  No it wasn’t the flu, or viral meningitis and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Ebola since I’m still here to write this.  I just ran myself down and my body was reminding me who I hadn’t been taking care of – me. As I snuggled on the sofa  with tissues in hand and watched reruns upon reruns of, Castle and Bones, I remembered what I used to tell my children.  When difficult things happen we should appreciate them, yes appreciate the difficulty — because those difficult times remind us how great we feel when they ARE NOT happening to us! What timing since we are heading into a big ‘ole holiday of thankfulness!!!

• So I’m grateful I’ve stopped sneezing and when I’m stopped on the freeway for an extra 45 minutes due to an accident, I’m appreciative that it wasn’t me IN the accident.
• I’m thankful I have food in my cabinets and how lucky I am to be able to give an extra dollar or two to the individual standing at the entrance of a fast food chain.
• The simple act of taking a warm shower in my home instead of washing up in the sink at a Circle K, is a blessing that I need to be grateful for daily.
• I am blessed to have a pillow, blanket and bed compared to the autos, underpasses and river beds where many families sleep.

Thankful for these two…

With that said I just had a brilliant idea — why not blend Thanksgiving and Christmas into one ginormous holiday of thanks and love and giving and glitter?  Like Thanksmas or Christgiving?  It may catch on and turn into a full year of thanks and love and giving and glitter.  It could happen….

Grateful for you, my family and a holiday to remind us to be Thankful,

Sheree

Today I sit here attempting to decipher and fill out my mail-in ballot, which I will be walking into my voting poll tomorrow – I’ve been busy, really…  Besides, voting and all that goes with it is A LOT of work.

It’s a lot of work…

I’m exhausted from being barraged by TV commercials, flyers in the mail, talk shows and Facebook opinions from friends at both ends of the spectrum. I’ve struggled through the documentation on the people and propositions and found, once again, that what is said in ads and on TV is not necessarily the truth.

I don’t want Oprah or any other person who has a ‘following’ to tell me who “they” are voting for. I pray that their followers will actually think for themselves and not become lemmings. I hope people will actually read and research who and what proposition will create a safe and free nation, who and what proposition will support teaching our children skills and knowledge instead of teaching our children how to take tests, and who and what proposition will create jobs instead of unemployment checks.

“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” Chinese proverb (always loved that saying).

Demand the truth, don’t believe everything posted on social media, take personal responsibility and read up, research and ask questions from different sources. Democrats rant on Republicans and Republicans rant on Democrats, nothing is new here, but the ability to research a multitude of sources at our fingertips which is right in front of us.  With a few clicks I can find out if promises were kept, if schools should receive funding, and where the heck all those tax dollars are going.  These are research skills we teach our children, why aren’t we using them?

I vote not by party, or race, or religion, or because someone else likes them, rather for the individuals  who I think will keep our borders safe, help our inner cities to become glowing again, and strengthen our towns to nurture agriculture and family values.   People who will work to create jobs for the young and old so they can find joy in the sense of accomplishing something – either building the skyscrapers or working in them.

Bottom line – I vote for the person or proposition that will instill “pride” in what we do, who we are and how we do it.

So tomorrow, be an individual. Think with your heart, vote on what you believe in and be proud that you have the ability to do so.  Be the change, not the gossip.  Do it by voting, loaded with the knowledge of the people and the issues.

Grateful for you,

Sheree