Dear Liberal friends, Maybe you never knew you censored me or made me feel this way. Maybe I should have been strong enough to tell you and risk the consequences. That part is on me. But perhaps now is a good time to share with you how I have felt for the past 12 years. 

You might want to get a beverage and settle in, this has been inside for a long time…

As a conservative with some libertarian beliefs, my opinions seemed irrelevant and quite often censored.  I didn’t vote for President Obama in 2008, but I hoped that many of the things he spoke about would come to fruition.  But years went by and the hopes I had after hearing those uplifting speeches really fell flat for me.

It appeared the division between the races seemed to be growing as if nothing occurred in the 60’s to bring about equality.  There was more and more government and less things being fixed.   I wasn’t the only one who felt this way; many others were also disenchanted, and so…

2009 the Tea Party Movement was born.

I feared that we were creating a society dependent on the government and raising generation after generation of youth who were not being taught our history or the world’s history; the bad and the good. Generations who took freedom, safety, and choice for granted and who had no idea where Iran, Iraq or even Israel were located. I felt like most Americans were not being listened to; only a handful who had louder voices, more money and supported by special interest groups. These were the people who determined our future; people who appeared to hate what America stood for. 

I started to take more interest in politics than in the past, but found I couldn’t outwardly disagree with President Obama’s policies because I, like others, would have been considered racist.  I objected with the man’s policies, not his color – his policies. 

Recently, President Obama stated in his book A Promised Land, “It was as if my very presence in the White House had triggered a deep-seated panic, a sense that the natural order had been disrupted.”  Mr. President, that thought honestly never ever crossed my mind, nor anyone else I knew.  I believe people are chosen for the Presidency by the platform they present, not their color.  It’s what they can do for the people, the nation, the world that should be important.

As the divide grew in the country, it became apparent to me that it wasn’t just the Presidency.  It was the government wanting and needing more control.  The government, whose apparent lack of listening, was causing the unrest and discontent. 

I thought,

“Should people be in office this long?”

Examples: Patrick Leahy in office for 46 years and Chuck Grassley in office for 40 years     

I realized I was tired of politicians promising the American people help, via handouts, not jobs.  Why was I expected to follow laws that were not followed by those in government or who had the cash to get away with it. 

I loved that America was the place refugees searched out. It was becoming apparent, though, that immigration laws only meant something to the politicians during election years.  They either ignored them or enforced them at a whim. I was tired of the two parties caring more about themselves than of ‘we the people’. 

As the years passed the feelings and sense that things were not right started to slowly slip out in conversations.  It wasn’t much, as I would be put in my place, censored. But as those small bits of unhappiness came out, I noticed a distance between some family members and friends, because I no longer believed what they believed. We couldn’t have a conversation on our differences, because I was always wrong. Disagreeing with President Obama was not an option.

All the discontent I felt was obviously shared by many more than just me. 

Proof?

‘He who shall not be named’ was voted President in 2016. Anyone who supported this non-politician instantly became a racist, homophobic, xenophobic, bigot, sexist, entitled and a Nazi.  

Had my liberal friends viewed me like this before 2016?  Had I called them names for the previous eight years?  I tried to think back, and you know, I couldn’t come up with anything.  Nada…

After eight years it was still impossible to discuss politics with friends or family, who were liberal-leaning.  I was an idiot for voting for him and they were correct in their beliefs about him. Their reasons to hate this person were valid and I was wrong for not blindly believing everything they believed. Any accomplishments he made were dismissed, as they could not get through their distain for him.

And now that I voted for “hwsnbn”…

I was a zombie kept alive only by believing in everything he did and said and I had no mind or will of my own.  I stopped thinking logically and never questioned anything because I had become one of “those” people.

Fast forward, its now been 12 years of not being able to speak about or discuss any of these issues. The examples you set, and your reasoning has finally sunk in.  Here is what I have learned from you:

• Everyone who does not support what I believe, should keep quiet; I am always right. 
• Because you are different than me by way of color, sex, religion or political party, your differences will only be deemed acceptable if it benefits me or my causes.
• I should continually post what a bad president the current president is if I did not vote for him or her.
• I should listen blindly to whatever mainstream media tells me (Fox too) and forget about researching things myself.
• I should only listen to political pundits you tell me to even if I want to widen my knowledge base to all points of views.
• I will cancel everyone or everything that doesn’t align with my beliefs.  I could just not listen to them or not purchase from them if they do not think as I do, but ignoring them won’t do. I must destroy them as they do not adhere to my beliefs.
• When anyone adds a rebuttal to a story I’ve posted I should ignore it. It will be wrong and I don’t have time to research the facts so my post must be accurate.
• I should avoid any discussion with anyone who thinks differently than me because that could cause something called, compromise.
• I should blindly stay home, order everything from Amazon, Uber eats, watch Netflix or whatever programming that I am told to watch per the MSM, government and social media.  By doing this I will be taken care of and will be safe.
• I should post solid colors on my social media supporting whatever is currently in play, #metoo, #blacklivesmatter, #humanrights, #socialjustice, instead of listening to both sides on the subject in question to get ALL the facts.  Either way, my side will always be right.
• I should support only peaceful protests in which businesses are burned down, Federal buildings are attacked, and people die and call any other peaceful protests I don’t believe in, ‘insurrections’ in which Federal buildings are attacked and people die.
• I should not read the policies or platforms that candidates run on.  Rather I should only vote for them because I am registered to that party, and I will hate the other person running against them.
• I should go willingly to re-education camps so we can all think alike – things are easier when we all think alike.  On social media we can all post puppy pictures or what we’ve eaten for dinner.  I will post absolutely nothing questioning why government officials do what they do.  By doing all this I will not be deleted from social media.  The social media where I live for the “likes.” Take a look at the Black Mirror episode Nosedive, Season 3, Episode 1, to see the direction the “likes” are taking us.
• I should ignore the Constitution and the Amendments and the lives that were taken or ruined by wars defending them. After all America was only an experiment and it failed.
• I should assume that no one on the conservative side cares about the environment, job creation, human rights, police reform, immigration or the homeless.
• I should be happy that Amazon, the day of the inauguration, offered to distribute the C19 vaccine.  Hatred for a leader outweighs helping those in need.  Especially if we really, really hate that person.

But guess what?  I am going to try and do NONE of the above. I am not going to censor you…

• I will listen with respect to your opinions if I am given the same. I will support the person I did not vote for. When he /she “lies” as they will, as they all do, I will not post on social media “I told you so” or that all their followers are evil insurrectionists and that he or she is the devil incarnate. I will live, like you, with the consequences of the actions they and the government take until I can voice my opinion by voting them out.
• I will pray that there will be integrity in upcoming elections – in person with an id – like our constitutional republic has done successfully for years.  In the meantime, I will do what I can at a grassroot level to bring trust back to the election process.    
• I will not put you on a ‘list’ and assume you are like ‘those’ who have destroyed multiple cities throughout the summer of 2020 and who looted and burned down small businesses and ruined lives and killed so many. There are good and bad people in businesses, government and even our neighborhoods.  I pray that the good ones will rise to the top.
• With that said, I will not generalize everyone and everything.  I will think of you as an individual not just part of a group.
• I will not automatically believe you are wrong, and I am right and will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are an intelligent human who can logically think through a problem. All sides of the problem and the long-term implications of the solution to that problem.
• I will not make you afraid to put up a sign supporting your candidate or criticize your clothing.  I will not key your car if you have an American flag sticker on it or a bumper sticker I don’t agree with.
• When we speak, I will calmly state why I support certain things. If I don’t have an answer to your questions, I will get back to you with facts. and will not raise my voice in an emotional response.
• I will not believe the opinions on the MSM and will look for the facts myself.
• I will not ask 72% of the people in the United States to apologize for their whiteness as I would not ask 18% of the Hispanics/Latino population who live here to denounce their color or the 13% of the Black population who live here to ignore their color.  The 5.7% Asian, 1.1% American Indian/Alaska Native, .2% Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islanders, 5% some other race and 3.4% two or more races will also not be asked to denounce their skin color.
• The reason I won’t ask this of the 328+ million people living in America is because I don’t care what color you are.  We are all 100% American.  I respect (and sometimes envy) your traditions, your culture, your religion, and your heritage, but if you live here legally, you are an American (with all the good and bad shit).  And if you are here illegally, then let’s work on that.

Side note:  For those who count up percentages, like I do, the Hispanic/Latino percentage on this U.S. Census link was not included in the breakdown of the American population number of 328,239,523 and counting.

• I will not be jealous if you are a different color than me and make a gazillion dollars.  I will say, good job, wish I had your skills.  You must have worked very hard to get that position and make all that cash.
• I will not judge someone by their color, sex or pronoun preference but by their character, their integrity, and their work ethic. There will be no quota on who can and cannot be in my life, I’ll take all of you crazies.
• I will never publicly shame you for your beliefs, i.e., social media, at a restaurant, or while shopping in a store, instead I will talk to you, text or email you my feelings as we are not in middle school and no one needs more drama in their lives.
• If you try to change my mind on a subject with your opinions, I will respect them more when they are backed up by facts and references.
• I will not censor or cancel your thoughts, opinions or rantings even if I don’t agree with them.  This is a country of freedoms and one of them is speech.  If you are inciting anything crazy, I will speak to you as an adult, to find out the reasoning behind it.
• I will never complain that you are quoting a “white” person.  Because if you’re quoting “any” person you must have a valid reason. It’s not my place to say who you can or cannot quote.
• I will continually work to THINK before I speak:

Is it…

          True

          Helpful

          Inspiring

          Necessary

          Kind

• I will never stop asking questions, of anyone, about anything and everything, even if you cancel me. This is because I am a free human being which I am incredibly grateful for.
• I am a work in progress so my views can change from experiences I’ve had.  With that said, I will not bring up something you wrote in my yearbook 48 years ago.

Here are some great quote for all those of you who haven’t already blocked, unfriended or cancelled me. 

“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.” – Adlai Stevenson

“Free speech is the whole thing, the whole ball game. Free speech is life itself.” – Salman Rushdie

“Censorship reflects society’s lack of confidence in itself. It is a hallmark of an authoritarian regime.” – Potter Stewart

“They came first for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up.” – Pastor Martin Niemöller

Thanks for letting me dump 12 years of pent-up frustrations on you.

Grateful for you,

Sheree

p.s. I just listened to a Podcast on Unity by Kira Davis. You should definitely visit her site, but her main point was perhaps we should NOT Unite. Rather we should learn, once again, how to tolerate each other and respect that we all have different opinions. Her thoughts came at the perfect time!

Every attempt to write this blog, for the last nine (9) months, was overshadowed by fear, anger, disbelief and sadness. Who needed to hear my take on that crap?

I couldn’t wrap my head around the appearance of being conditioned to live in fear, by hearing death counts and case numbers daily. The destruction of public property and watching the daily murder of innocents couldn’t be our norm, could it? And if we were staying home and working from home, ordering in food, supplies, exercise equipment and entertainment, we would for the most part, make things better, correct? 

Were we being taught to isolate, be quiet and numb?

As a dark cloud hung over everyone, I doubted I’d be working at all this Christmas. I suggested we just do the client’s trees to lessen the time in their homes. But upon arrival, instead of less, all they wanted was “More Christmas” brought into their homes — to repeat, MORE! More Joy, more brightness, more happiness! 

One of those clients was Syd, she always wanted MORE Christmas. Sadly, yesterday her daughter told me she died suddenly.  She had become a very good friend after 15 years and my nine months of numbed-out tears couldn’t be stopped. By the end of the day with the help of a few cocktails, I found comfort knowing she was able to see every room of her home decorated, just how she liked it!  I thought how this was the perfect season for her to leave this world. Syd LOVED Christmas and

she was able to take that Joy with her…

I believe we should all take the Joy of this season and replace our fear and sadness with it.  Replace the darkness with the light we see everywhere.

My hope for you this Christmas is that you find “your” peace and comfort and Joy.  This is one quote where I find my comfort… 

“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” – Matthew 1:21

Merry Christmas my Friends

With gratitude,

Sheree

Am I the only one who’s been thinking that God is just pissed? What do I mean by that?  Well it’s not quite like the big flood where all the animals and a handful of humans floated off in a large boat, type of pissed. 

It’s more like I imagine God saying…

First off, I’m tired you’re not thinking or praying or talking about me anymore.

I’m tired you think it’s always about you.

I’m tired of your lying. Why ya gotta lie?

I’m tired you’ve eliminated me from a world “I” created.

I’m tired that free-will is being taken from my children all over the world.

I’m tired that you think there are no consequences for the decisions you make, with that free-will.

I’m tired of watching how things have been going and the “hands-off” parenting. You’ve taught these young adults disrespect and anger.  The fruits of your labor are now showing up as they ignore the safety of their elders and those around them.

Just an FYI, I WILL be protecting the babies, they are innocent.

To make you speak to your neighbors, I took your ability away.

To make you respect the enormous responsibility of teachers, I gave you your children back.

To make you slow down I took your job, your car and your importance away.

To make you appreciate the food you eat, I’ve emptied your shelves.

To humble you, I’ve removed your plans and made you live in the moment.

To remove the ever-growing drone of arguing, opinions, and untruths that are being told to you every day, I’ve quieted the streets and playgrounds and public areas. You should now be able to listen to the birds, the wind in the trees, and the sound of walking in the snow or sand. You should be able to hear ME more clearly now!

I am the voice in your heart and your head.

I want to remind you that I am in the quarantined voices that sing from the balconies in Italy and the keyboard player who entertains his neighbors in Spain.

I’ve shown you the human spirit as you wait in long lines to get essentials by the laughter you share with strangers about being in this thing together. 

I’d like you to please compliment the lady who wears the purple latex gloves while pushing her grocery cart. Maybe you could both laugh in the face of fear?

Please stop yelling at the cashiers, they don’t order the stupid toilet paper. Maybe show them a little love.

I want you to think about this. Since the “have to’s” and “need to’s” have been taken from you, what could possibly be your “should do’s?”

I’ve left you with brilliant minds, generous hearts and logical souls to help you get through this and you will.  But I really need you to think about what you want your life and this world to look like after all of this, because I hate being pissed.

I Love you…

God

p.s. Maybe read a little something about Fear in some of your down time.

I actually started writing this blog about Fear almost two months ago, after my first knee surgery. This was before I was told I needed another one.  During all those weeks alone, I experienced a myriad of emotions:  sadness, depression, anger, and hopelessness. Fear, I found, was the main ingredient for all of those feelings and I wanted to share my thoughts…

It wasn’t the Fear I feel when someone talks about Socialism or the Fear of walking into a spider web with my face.  It was more about the Fear I faced pre-surgery, post-surgery and recovery.  The Fear of how much pain would be involved or what the future would look like with my new ACL.  The ACL which I have named Doug.

Fears:

The doctor would sneeze while drilling into my knee.

I’d be addicted to the pain meds, which I really needed or I’d never go to the bathroom after taking the pain meds I needed.

An “irrational” Fear of answering, out loud, the voices in my head – because they are very chatty and I was alone a lot of the time. 

Also “rational’ Fears of water and/or rugs on the floor and ramps or stairs, because I’m not that great on crutches.  The thought of falling made me want to throw up in my mouth, just a little. 

One of my favorite Fears was that the Hallmark movies I constantly watched would be the gateway drug to Reality TV….

The fear of being alone in the condo, during the day, because October in California is fire season.  If they called for an evacuation, how would I capture the cat and head down the stairs with crutches to a car I couldn’t drive?

A looming Fear I had for months — would I be able to work this Christmas season?

Although I was doing pretty well on the Fear blog, I just couldn’t finish it. 

It could have been that I was distracted with a second surgery six weeks after the first.  Or it could have been the accompanying drugs for the pain.  It may have been that my mind had turned to mush after sitting in the condo for 9 weeks at that point.    

But I think I couldn’t finish it because I was overwhelmed with self-pity, accompanied by tears or anger at the drop of a hat.  I even tried reading my previous blog on God’s Tapping and gratitude, but nope, my psyche wasn’t having any of it.

My little sister came for a few days after the first surgery and returned for the second surgery and replaced Jeff as my slave for two weeks.  My sister-in-law also flew in to keep me from gnawing at the walls pre-diagnosis of the 2^nd surgery.  But even with the much appreciated visits, I’d slip back into a funk of “poor me” and the question of “When is this going to be over?” became an annoying mantra.

The second surgery required me to go to PT the same day of surgery and every day that week.  While I was semi-walking on crutches by the end of that week, I couldn’t lose the creeping crankiness in my head.

I had missed the entire Fall season.

My sister dropped me off at PT and a young girl in the lobby asked if I need help sitting.   I told her sitting down was my specialty; getting up, not so much.  She started talking about how grateful she was and I could actually see a little light appear in my funk.  I told her “Exactly! We woke up today and I’m pretty grateful about that.”  She said that she had her share of bad days, but today was a great one.  She told me she had gone to church the day before and was reminded how incredible life was.  It was just about then her sunshine melted away the fog of self-pity that I had been walking around in for weeks.

I thought she was waiting in the lobby to drive a patient home, but in our conversation I discovered she was actually there for PT!  She pulled up her pant leg and said that she was so grateful that she had been given “this.”  The “this” happened to be a lower left leg prosthetic.  The therapist came to get her and as she turned to smile “good-bye” it took everything I had not to tear up as my heart filled with love.  It was an amazing gift from a complete stranger who just radiated gratitude. There wasn’t an ounce of Fear in her or I when she left that room.

I try to remember her daily to help me reset and reevaluate. 

On bad days when Fear creeps in, I need to remember all the good I have in my life like:  a husband who has done it all, the cards and gifts I’ve received and the calls checking in on me.  Also the women who have helped open doors when I’ve visited the ladies room, and the gentleman who warned me of water on the ground so I wouldn’t fall.  Plus all the drivers, with their smiles of understanding at the inconvenience I’m causing them because of my incredibly slow gait while crossing the street.  Just a few weeks ago I was scheduled to install Christmas décor in a business in Phoenix.  This was right after my second surgery and my friends and family pulled together in a blink to complete the job for me, as I lay here in bed. 

Looking back at the past three months, I can see God sent me family to help, friends and even strangers to support me and a little angel with a magical left leg to bring it all into perspective – that Fear is only a word and doesn’t need to be a lifestyle.

Thank you sweet angel in the lobby of PT for sharing your glow of gratitude and love with me, to remind me this knee thing is nothing…

Grateful for you and my ice machine,

Sheree