A few months ago my husband and I went downtown L.A. to watch our brother-in-law perform a death defying feat for charity, rappelling 26-stories down the side of a hotel — more about that later.

26 Stories of Fear

The area surrounding the hotel was besieged with crowds of men in business suits and women in their business attire adorned with their Louboutin’s. Laptops, cellphones, notebooks and briefcases were all worn as if chosen by a stylist.  I used to be one of those, seems like centuries ago, but I was one of them.  Maybe not the one’s with the Loubies’s…

I stood in the throng of suit wearers with my jeans and Keds and wondered…what the hell happened to me?  Why didn’t I feel as important as they appeared to be?  Why did a piece of fabric make them seem larger than life?  Why was I so drawn to the pace of their business day?  Why did that appear so much more satisfying at this moment than the life I had chosen? Was it the suits?

As I walked among them I tried to remember life while wearing those suits.   There were hardly any date nights, just no time.  My friends became a secondary thought, my children as babies were totally scheduled and something as simple as sending a birthday card seemed near impossible – no internet in those days – just snail mail.  I am and have always been in awe of my sisters and women friends and single parents who did and do it all.  But I did remember while wearing those suits, I felt like I could do everything satisfactorily.  But for that company, the one whom I wore the suits, the job I did was outstanding.

When the adrenaline rush of seeing the suits began to subside, I reflected on what become truly important to me in the past 25 years since I had worked in that business world. I reflected on the decisions my husband and I made so long ago. The decision to have children in my 30’s, then our decision that I stay home to raise them which caused any and all knowledge of the business world I had known for 18 years to fade into fairy tales and soccer practices.  And though our income was halved, I made the decision to volunteer so I could continue to be home with my children. It was my decision to attend college in my forties and start my own business.  All decisions that didn’t involve a suit.

And while I’m being perfectly honest with you about my suit years I might as well spill … Since that glimpse with mortality four years ago I haven’t been able to go back to full-time work.  It’s taken me a long time to say those words and not feel like a failure.  I see my friends with their successful careers, the travel, the 10 hour days and the suits, but the shift in my life that provided me with such clarity, can never be traded for those good looking red soles or well-tailored suits.  I’ve come to believe that decisions that make up our lives really don’t depend on fabric or shoes or meetings, they depend on listening to the voice deep inside that suit covered body.

A larger-than-life Suit

So after my melt down at the sight of those suits, we watched an amazing man, who is a husband, father, grandfather and business man rappel down a building in his business shirt and suit pants in hopes of bringing awareness to those affected by the addiction to illicit, prescription drugs and alcohol. Now THAT suit, at that moment, stood for something definitely larger than life.

Please take a moment to visit Shatterproof and get involved! You don’t really have to wear a suit to make a difference – but you’d probably look fabulous!

Grateful for you,

Sheree

p.s. Thanks, family, for being patient and kind with the non-suit path I’ve chosen.

Haven’t heard from me lately?  It’s because I’ve just been Observing Italy…

TRAVEL DIARY

Day 1 or 2 (there is a 9 hour time change so I’m not really sure)

The beginning… We wake at 4:00am catch a flight from L.A. to Atlanta to meet up with family who we will be spending the next eleven days with — laughing, touring, dining and drinking together.

Italian Clouds

Leaving for Rome with a duvet, pillow, champagne, head phones and sleep aid – could this be heaven?  I awake to the coastline of Italy and my tour of amazement begins.  Flying over geometric patterns dotted with cotton-ball clouds and in First Class – it is heaven.

The next thing I know — I get the FIRST  EVER stamp on my passport!  We check into the hotel and head out to start observing Italy.  First on the agenda, the Vatican. Tears, architecture, the serenade of the Italian language, Michelangelo, the calmness of Italians, wine, alleys filled with colorful doors and plants and cobblestones.

St Peter’s Cathedral

English signs, English speaking Italians plus the Euro, so simple. Travelling with my sister-in-law who grew up in the South, creates the signature saying for our travels – Ciao y’all… It’s going to be a fun trip!!!

We’ll call this Day 2

Coliseum

Walking seven miles seems like nothing compared to the thousands of years we view and touch and sense. Bricks, mortar, marble, stone, life and death – all make up a Coliseum.

Music, gelato, cappuccino, pizza and people, lots of people, all wanting to experience this history – all make up Italy.  Cars so small they seat one and squeeze into any possible open spot on the street, even if it’s vertical in a horizontal row.  Colors, flowers, laundry hanging from balconies, all highlighted by cathedral bells ringing…celebrating Sunday, the beginning of the week!  Throwing a coin into the Trevi Fountain should ensure my return, correct?

Day 3

Off to Tuscany, rolling hills, Cyprus trees, and towns as I imagined – rustic, but vibrant. There are children, old people, stories, lots of stories.  Then in the middle of the rustic surroundings a Prada outlet appears, welcome to the 21^st century (and a cute little purse, thanks Carrie!).  Florence is the destination for the day and it IS right out of a Fairy Tale.

Day 4

Arno River

It’s the light in Florence, the light that draws artists to it’s heart for centuries.

We view so many works of art and countless numbers have been created right where I am standing.  I stare at a Michelangelo and can feel his spirit in the painting.

Doni Tondo

Then by chance we visit a cathedral that is home to a crucifixion he carved, which again leaves me breathless.

David

Gardens, food, cobblestones, art, and the language.  Then after you think you can’t walk another step you turn the corner and view the statue of David… no words, just another teary moment.

We end the day with stories and food and wine and family and again, that dreamy language.

Day 5

Landscapes, stone walls, wine, olive oil, balsamic and more wine. Breathtaking historical buildings that actually invite you to brush up against them as if to absorb their history.  A passion for religion, family and community that I have never felt, this is Sienna.

Cathedrals or Duomos as they call them are everywhere. So majestic, artistic, commanding, inviting, vocal and breathtaking.   I wonder, if there is no God as many want us to believe, why did they build them?

Day 6

A walk down the path of someone’s dream… A visit to an Italian winery, where we are drawn in by the rosemary hedges, the aroma of their olive oil and 30 year old balsamic. The rows of grape vines invite you to saunter after a homemade lunch created from what is grown on the farm.  Why does the truffle oil or the balsamic on ice cream taste so divine … Perhaps heaven is in Italy?

As we prepare to leave Florence I reflect on the kindness of the Italian people. Yes we are probably their main source of income as visitors, but there is no attitude like someone is “making” them work in a gelato store, or serve cappuccino at a corner shop.  They truly enjoy what they are doing and it shows.

Day 7

Fields that could be filled with corn from my hometown are filled with rows and rows of grapevines. Castles on hilltops to defend towns against invaders and a balcony where Juliet supposedly wept to Romeo are just a few more things to absorb.  Ancient stone pavers helping pilgrims cross the country now covered with asphalt to preserve them – how funny.  A quick stop in Maranello to see where those beautiful red Ferrari’s are built and we are back on the road.  After a scenic drive we across a bridge,  and as the sun breaks through the rain-filled clouds it highlights our next destination — the floating city of Venice.

Day 8

A Venice market is an explosion of colors and textures and the sharing of a morning with people who do this daily. Walking is a way of life in Venice, but water taxis are handy to have after a delightful dinner with lots of wine — especially when it is pouring.

St. Mark’s square is like being in a movie set – the pigeons, the Doges and Napoleon. Its enormity, the history and atmosphere, live music playing, children running about and people just standing taking in the history. On a side street there is Harry’s Bar, home of the Bellini and a hangout to Hemmingway.  But of course we had one!

Burano

A short boat ride to the island of Murano where you are humbled by the talent of the master glass blowers and then on to Burano, known for its lace, but is home to a delightful color wheel of houses, of which you can’t stop taking pictures.

Day 9

Gondolas, water, alleys, food, wine, and more water.  Walking the Grand Canal to stop into Peggy Guggenheim’s home/museum. Standing inches away from the creations of Calder, Chagall, Dali, Picasso and Pollock.  Knowing that many were in this very home, transcends you to a different time.

Day 10

Goodbye Venice, off to Rome via a train that travels 150+mph. We delight in wine, of course, on the train as the mountains and vineyards and castles fly by.  After Florence and Venice, Rome now seems so crowded.  No fields of grapes, no gondolas, just the beautiful architecture and history.  My God I’m already taking it for granted … can’t believe I used the word just.  A restful day and then on to the celebration of my sister-in-law’s 60^th Birthday.  We are all recipients of her birthday gift – the trip to Italy!

Day 11

Sadness fills my heart as we leave this place that is centuries older than my homeland, but which hasn’t forgotten to be kind, friendly, grateful and beautiful.  Grateful for Carrie and Kirk for including me on this trip of a lifetime and sharing it with Joy, Chris and my husband Jeff.

And grateful for you,

Sheree

Ciao y’all –  Sarò tornare un giorno l’Italia  (Goodbye ya’ll — Italy, I will be back one day)

I’ve seen that flicker in the eyes of my dad after he was diagnosed with cancer. Even though he had chosen to have his IV’s pulled, thinking his journey would end quickly, that flicker had other plans.  Instead of ending his journey in a day or two, the flicker kept him with us for two more weeks, it wasn’t ready to leave.

That Flicker

That flicker is the will to live. We may not all experience it but it’s something we should never take for granted.  Maybe it’s not the “will to live,” rather more like the “gift of life.”  When that flicker, which is meant to sustain us, starts to fade, we are given a gift.  The gift of looking through a curtain, made up of all our possessions, to the pure and innocent purpose for which we were intended.

As I sat with my dad those last few days, he shared with me how he’d like to apologize to everyone he had ever hurt or treated badly. That flicker pulled back the curtains and let him see clearly what was important.

I’ve spent the last few years helping a friend and her husband, who had been battling cancer of the spine and just recently was diagnosed with a secondary brain tumor. This retired Fire Fighter and Vet went from nearly 250 lbs. of muscle to a frail 150 lbs.  His flicker helped him live 2-1/2 years longer than the 6 months they originally gave him.  It drove him to sever his spine to stop the cancer growth and it kept that man going even when his body continued to fail.  That flicker kept a sparkle in his eyes allowing him to pull back his curtain and share comforting words of wisdom to my son, whose relationship with his girlfriend of four years had just ended.  He spoke with such care and love, putting his painful journey to the side so he could share what’s really important in life.

That flicker is in all of us, perhaps buried a little deeper in some, or muted by the have to, the should do, or the must do’s that come with the lives we choose. It’s behind the phones, computers and television screens.  That gift of life, that flicker, is there in the corner of your eyes when you look at the mirror longer than a second or in your taste buds after your favorite meal.  It’s carried along with the sound of a favorite melody or the aroma of a night jasmine.

Don’t wait for that flicker to pull the curtains away. Assist the flicker and choose to separate those curtains before the decision is made for you and the time to see clearly is limited.

Dedicated to my dear friend, Rick Shaw (3/17/50 – 4/30/16)

“I mean if my muscles ache, it’s because I’ve used ’em. It’s hard for me to walk up them steps now, its ‘cuz I walked up ’em every night to lay next to a woman who loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I’ve laid under thousands of skies with sunny days. I look and feel this way, well cuz I drank and I smoked. I lived and I loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way through a pretty damn good life if you ask me.”   Edited quote from The Guardian

Grateful for you and knowing such a hero,

Sheree

God’s Answers…

So while saying prayers each day I often imagine these would be God’s Answers …

“You know you don’t actually have to name every family member and friend each night, right? I’m pretty sure I remember their names.”

“The plane has a mechanic to check all the nuts and bolts and tire pressures, but I’ll be here during the flight if you need to talk.”

“Thank you for asking to send courage to those who are struggling with illnesses, because my plans aren’t always black and white and may not be what everyone needs or wants.”

“I agree with you, people should pay attention more to the task at hand. And the coffee drinking, phone talking driver who almost hit you isn’t really listening to me right now because multi-tasking has replaced what they came into the world with – common sense.”

“Yes, there is a reason why I made cactus so pokey.”

“No I can’t make people act in a kind way.  They are given a few simple rules and if that’s too much for them, they’ll have natural consequences – promise!”

“Thank you for acknowledging all the choices you have when you go to the grocery store.”

“No I can’t make it rain, but realizing that the weather patterns I created are cyclical might help you ration what you have.”

“Yes I have a sense of humor, that’s why YOU have a sense of humor.”

“I agree, one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to deal with is allowing others to be who they are.”

“I understand your confusion. The only thing I can do is send clarity for those involved in your upcoming election.  So get off of Facebook and avoid all the negativity from both sides and refer to the note above this one…”

“I understand the pain of watching your children go through heartbreaking times.”

“You’re welcome for the beauty of nature, even the roly poly bugs.”

“Yep, I’m there for your children, it’s up to them to ask for the help and accept that sometimes a non-answer is an answer.”

“Scorpions are needed, honest.”

“You’re welcome — sometimes you need a wake-up call and yours, dear one, was Boomer…”

Grateful for you and God’s Answers,

Sheree