I was once again honored to be the recipient of my nephew Henry’s Santa Letter.  We’ve gone paperless this year and I received it via email.  Gmail is a wonderful thing when trying to hide the identity of a great-aunt from the nephew – no postmark. 

After reading through it the first time, I was amazed that with all the negative news and mindless ramblings on TV and social media that the mind of this 4^th grader had not yet been tampered with.

He asked how I was, plus the elves and Mrs. Claus.  This could have been to butter  me up for the wish list, but he then explained how he’s working on being respectful and keeping his hands to himself at school. Should this be considered a minus to the wish list since he obviously had been called out on a little “bad” behavior? But he did come clean with me after all….

Next in the letter was the melt your heart stuff; one of those questions to which I better answer correctly or scar the kid forever.

“I have one question before the wish list this year, is there really such a thing as good kids get presents and bad kids get no presents and coal in their stocking?  He went on to say “I think it’s, good kids get presents and bad kids get less presents because that whole no presents thing is just not kind.  All kids deserve presents even if there [they’re] bad.”

Crap, I believe I’ve said that “no presents and coal in your stockings” to my kids.

I actually might still say that to my adult-kids.  I had to delve deep down into my soul and question myself… should bad kids get presents?  Are those kids really good all year long but only bad during December?  What do their parents threaten them with during the other 11 months if they are bad?  And who made them bad afterall?

I came to the conclusion that children aren’t inherently bad.  And that, yes, their parents actually do assist in the bad behavior, whether they know it or not.  Why does it appear that they act out more in December?   And why do we hold a jolly, white-bearded old man over their heads when all he really wants to do is make them happy?

Maybe we’ve forgotten to teach them the original reason we’re supposed to be good, caring, and genuine for all 12 months instead of just one month?  Perhaps the whole giving and getting of gifts has lost its meaning?   Maybe we’ve become a little too lax on the lessons taught to us by a SON, who was born and gives gifts to us everyday of our lives. We just need to recognize them.

On Giving and Getting Gifts…

I believe the idea of “getting” gifts should teach us how to receive graciously, be humble and grateful.  And maybe, just maybe by taking the time to shop, wrap and give we’re actually being given an amazing gift to ourselves; a glimpse into the essence of pure JOY.   

So, I was honest with Henry and told him that all children should get presents.  And parents threaten their kids because they are frustrated with their misbehaving especially when they want to make things so perfect for Christmas.   I also shared with him that I hoped ALL children could be as caring as he was. 

I then told him that Sprinkles, his Elf on the Shelf, does report back to me.  Just great — this sweet child will now be thinking there’s a stalker in his house!  I’m thinking pretend Santa’s can possibly do a little damage of their own…..

Have a blessed Christmas filled with gratitude and JOY!

Grateful for you,

Sheree (pseudo-Santa)

RESPECT

It’s not hard to observe the lack of respect today. Nearly every day there is something written about it, posted about it or filmed about it.  Why do children seem so disrespectful?  What happened?

How did the noun – respect – become such a bad word?

I’ve asked friends how they were taught respect. We all agree there was a very fine line between respect and fear when growing up.  I understand why you shouldn’t respect someone because you fear them, but we were definitely raised on that fine line.

We feared disappointing our parents and the consequences for misbehaving.  We were taught to respect the law or there would be hell to pay. As children we respected our elders no matter what race, sex or ethnicity because we were told to.  As I grew I then understood why we should.  In the hierarchy of the family we were placed at the bottom; we were definitely seen but not heard when adults were speaking.  We feared our teachers but most of all the fallout from our parents.  There seemed to be a direct hotline from school to our homes.  Our parents knew the things we had done before our feet even hit the door step.  And I love this one – our parents gave permission to our teachers, in front of us, to discipline as they saw fit.

The disciplining thing happened to some of “us” in the family, more than others…

We were grounded, had things taken away and if the family couldn’t afford something, we didn’t get it. In a home that didn’t have central air conditioning, our parent’s bedroom had the window AC unit; we had to sweat ourselves to sleep. In a family of six, we had to find our own way to events or school; our parents were the only ones who used the car in our family.  Phone conversations were present for everyone to hear because the corded phone was in the kitchen.  We had curfews and hand-me-downs and ate what was served at dinner, period. Going out to a nice restaurant was about once a year and it was a treat to drive 12 miles for fast food every month or so, if that.

My parents weren’t my friends…

They weren’t my friends until I was in my mid to late 20’s.  I often told my children when they were growing up, that I wasn’t their friend either, I had plenty of those.  But I was assigned the task of parenting them which didn’t allow us to be friends – until later.  Thank God they’re old enough – I love hanging out with them now!

I need to make something perfectly clear; I do not blame the disrespectful children of today for their behavior. How can you, they didn’t come out of the womb with an attitude.  But somehow many parents stopped the whole fear/respect thing and decided it was easier to be friends with their offspring than to teach them hard lessons.  Life at home was easier if they defended their child’s bad behavior rather than standing up for the teachers who are with them all day.   Giving in to tantrums or shoving an electronic device under their noses was easier than taking the time to speak and interact with them.  And it appeared to be easier to give and give until the checkbook said $0.00 than to say no.  A lot of parents believe their children are perfect, polite and kind when in reality their children are imperfect, rude and disrespectful.

Children should have a voice, after they’ve gained the respect to be heard.

Good behavior, good work ethics, good deeds, and responsibility earns respect.  A kind heart, respecting themselves and others, plus animals, property and laws, earns respect.  Learning to fail, to try, fail and try again, earns respect.  Being grateful for whatever is laid before them, earns respect.

And although I sound like children aren’t being taught by their parents or the adults around them, oh, they are. Children are observing their parents yelling at their teachers, flipping off people, cutting each other off in their cars, and hiding behind electronic screens while rudely attacking another person’s opinions with offensive and hurtful replies.  They’re watching adults ignoring laws and proceeding through life with an “I do what I want” attitude.  They are also being taught that they are not as important as the cell phone, that never leaves their parent’s hand.

Children look up to us as role models, and we as adults often search out the worst in people, their faults, their imperfections, and their differences. We’re addicted to see which person will be kicked off the island or who the latest victim in the headlines might be.  We’re the examples these children emulate.

When did we, the adults, lose our sense of respect?

We need to begin practicing respect –  like holding doors and saying please and thank you, plus letting those last minute cars merge in without having a heart attack. We need to actually read what we’re commenting or posting and stop to think – “Is it true?” and “Will it help?”,  then hit delete if either answer is NO.  We’ve got to reintroduce ourselves to the often forgotten world that’s just outside the door – nature.  We need to realize it might not always be around if we don’t respect the earth.  And maybe it’s time we all respect the fact that we are pretty damn lucky just to be here, in this moment, in this country and on this planet.

We need to start respecting ourselves more, too. Besides the obvious of eating better, drinking less and exercising more, we need to disconnect.  We have to begin to think our own thoughts rather than the thoughts that are constantly being infused into our heads by the news, social media or acquaintances.

We need to be quiet, talk less and listen more.

A neighbor shared with me two words from the sermon at her church – Taste and Talk. I thought, ok….?  She went on to explain how the priest shared that in today’s world we care so much about what goes into our mouths, the TASTE of food or drink, but we think nothing of what comes out of our mouths when we TALK, words that are full of anger, untruths and cruelty.  His observation was so precise!

There has to be a breaking point where common decency, respect and courtesy returns. The youth of today won’t find it in social media or the news.  They won’t find it in adults who break the law or who only think about “me.”  They need to be shown by their family, their neighborhoods and their schools.   They need to experience the reward of a job well done or owning and taking care of something, plus they need to experience the consequences for their lack of respect.

We don’t need to be friends with these little darlings; we just need to be better teachers of the word: respect.

Grateful for you,

Sheree

“During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.“

– George Orwell

I know it’s been awhile since my last entry, over two months in fact. It’s not that I haven’t been observing things, because I have, but what I’ve been “absorbing” hasn’t been so pretty.  Not sure if you feel the same way, but so many things that surround us today make me feel so dirty.  I want to take a shower for about two weeks to get rid of the stickiness of hatred, division and sadness.

After taking down Christmas décor in January I returned to my home which had already been stripped of its glitter and garland. I love Christmas decorating, but after packing it away the house feels so much lighter.  It’s as if it’s gotten things off its chest, sort of like coming clean.  So I’ve decided in this year of 2018 to risk being hated, unfriended and chastised.  I’m coming clean with my thoughts on current events and don’t need to announce it on a billboard or in the news.  This mind dump of mine will do just fine.

Coming Clean

Politics:

I am a liberal in my heart and a conservative in my brain. There… I said it! At first I thought this was a detriment, but in reality it actually allows me to view things from both sides of the aisle.  I have friends who are conservatives and some who are liberals.  You all need to know that I give equal time to researching articles you post, for the facts, so don’t take it personally.  Sadly, I just don’t believe what is reported, or posted or quoted anymore.

Remember when we all used to make fun of the Enquirer and how we never believed anything that was written in it?  (Well at least I thought that way.)  That’s how I now feel about every news outlet and every article that is written.  It’s pretty hard to get the facts today without them being camouflaged in personal opinions.  Before the internet or Facebook we read newspapers or listened to a few news stations that appeared to report, not opinionate, the news.  They didn’t share the opinion of every person in the world, which Facebook, Twitter, and Hollywood do today.

I had to form my own opinions, not absorb someone else’s.

Sorry got off track… Now that I think about it, I may really be a constitutionalist. I tend to like order so following rules or laws makes sense to me and calms me down.  Using that little document in Washington D.C., called the Constitution has helped us make decisions for the last 230 years.  I do wonder, though, why many think it’s a pick and choose document.  Pick and choose what rules they’d like to follow when it is helpful in their discussions or endeavors.  I never thought that’s how it was intended to be used… but I’m not a history major either.

I’m very sad that I can’t talk politics with people who don’t lean the same way I do. When speaking with them I always feel as if what I have to say is not as important or accurate as what they’re sharing.  I feel like they are always trying to make me believe their truth, as if what I believe has no merit.  My opinion is undervalued and I must have been living under a rock and have no clue what the entire world knows to be true.  I wonder if conservatives made liberals feel that way for the eight years of President Obama.  I wonder if both sides know that’s how they make people feel.

I’m waiting for the scales to start balancing out in this crazy world. It seems we all tip left, then right, then left and right again.  There have been times that people on the left have supported things people on the right support now and vice versa, but short-term memory loss kicks in and they forget their speeches and actions.  Can’t we all just hang out in center field for a bit?

Religion:

There’s another set of simple rules I “attempt” to follow: The 10 Commandments.  Although I don’t attend a church and I’m not too religious, I have used these guidelines since Catholic grade school.  I have failed at a few, one being No. 8.  Weirdly a collection of tiny spoons has found their way into my kitchen; I’d like to think that I saved them from accidently being thrown out. Shit I AM a rule-breaker…

If you look at other religions they also have a set of 10 rules – Buddhists (not fond of their “don’t be intoxicated” one), Muslims – yep there are 10 Commandments in the Quran (again, not crazy about their “cutting off of the hand” or “stoning” sections). Most religions have “rules” which are not too complicated.  They’re basically a ‘how to be a nice person’ list of rules. (Disclaimer:  This author does not support the concept of Sharia Law).

Immigration:

I have mixed feelings about immigration, obviously, since I am a rule follower. Because of gangs, drugs, and corruption splitting up families – how would people not want to search out a life in America to raise their family and find work?  But in reality, I cannot go and stay in another country without following their laws.  So I wonder why can’t the funds that support these hopeful people in America go to making their homelands safe and prosperous.  I’m not sure but I think many of them would not have wanted to leave their homes if their countries were safe, had work for them and had a supportive government.

Things I think about at 2:30am…

If “sanctuary” cities, counties and states can break a federal law, then why can’t I break city, county and state laws?  And if cities, counties and states are breaking the law, how are we to teach our children to follow the law?  How is it that we pick and choose which laws to follow?  When children break the law, disrespect, hurt and kill people, how can we all be so shocked?  If we as adults stop following the laws, what keeps this country from falling into complete anarchy?  Research anarchy in countries, it’s not pretty…

History:

I don’t want to eliminate things in the past that we don’t agree with today. Young people need to read about our history, without erasing or destroying it, so we can keep from repeating the stupid stuff.  There’s something called the internet that can help them look it up.  They can see how far we’ve come. They can stop looking back to reignite wounds and try looking forward to revive healing.

#metoo:

I’m trying to think of what women friends I have that have not been harassed by some dingle-butt in her life.  I’m not saying that all men are dingle-butts and I hope that I didn’t raise one, but there were and are men out there who were not raised to respect women or men or things for that matter.

Whether it’s being dragged into an office, smacked on the ass, spoken shadily to in another language or had their boobs looked at instead of their face, it’s all degrading.  I’ve personally had women in an office turn against me because I “didn’t” have sex with the boss (not a good day for womanhood).

I want to stand up right now and applaud all those women and men who said, “hell no” and walked out, quit the job or promised themselves that when they could, they would…  Now let’s get on with living and stop accusing every person who ever hugged you or called you babe, an abuser.  It minimizes the real trauma women and men have experienced at the hands of their abusers.

Gender and Race:

I don’t want this to be a genderless, grey world. There ARE differences between men and women; they are supposed to be different.  A lot of people like that there are differences.  This goes with skin color too.  I love that we live on a Technicolor planet.  So people, please don’t try and make us all genderless clones and colorless….

My mind is made up; I won’t stop calling men, men or women, women. If I try to call them a huMAN or a perSON I will somehow offend someone.  And if it comes down to calling people, people, how will I be able to determine who a “people” is?  If I describe them by gender, race, hair color, height, or clothing, I’m most certainly going to hurt someone’s feelings.  It’s a description not an attack on their PERSONhood.   Shit, is hood a bad word too?  I am happy to be a WOMan in the huMAN race.  I’m not intimidated by men, and I’m not apologizing for being a person of the lady-kind…

Abortion:

My feelings have changed quite a bit from my twenties to my sixties on abortion. “No one should dictate what I do with my body”- that’s something I felt very strong about in the 70’s – before I had children.  To help you understand my thought process today, here’s an example:

I skateboard down a hill and I break my arm.  It was my bad idea and I’ve got to deal with the consequences.  I could have taken precautions like wearing protective gear. I possibly should NOT have skated down the hill or perhaps I should have gotten lessons.

I’ve used the letter “I” a lot in this section, because it was all about ME.

When getting pregnant though, it’s not all about “I” anymore, it’s about him and me and the little life that is created.  I could have abstained, used the pill, and he could have used protection.  Ultimately the act between a male and female is to make a baby – I know I’m sounding like my mother on this point. I mean it’s also fun, but that’s not the subject of this paragraph.

I just can’t get my head wrapped around the idea that it’s ok to end a 20 week old pregnancy, which is halfway through the term.  How is that ok?  That baby has toes and hands and breathes and can wave at you in an ultrasound.  It’s no longer about “I”, it became “WE” 20 weeks ago.  I’m going to have to go back to the how come we can pick and choose what rules we follow.  Just my opinion, at 20 weeks, ending that baby’s life seems like murder (see my thoughts in the Religion subheading regarding No. 6 in the Commandments).

In 38 states if you kill a pregnant mother and her unborn child dies, it’s a double homicide.  Looking through my eyes it’s not only the woman’s body we’re talking about anymore, it’s their houseguest too.  Tons of people believe life begins at conception, I get it.  But if there is to be an abortion why not do it within the first four weeks when that zygote is a bundle of cells?  You know then that you ARE pregnant.  Don’t wait until it’s actually waving at you.  I’d need law and theology degrees to discuss this further…  (Disclaimer:  I’m talking about consensual relationships, not the exceptions, i.e. rape/incest, medical issues etc.)

Why does it seem that this world, as a whole, has digressed like 50 years?

Have we really digressed or is it just what news outlets want us to believe?  Do they have a vested interest somewhere to divide this country?  I see people of different races, genders, and sexual preferences talking with each other, laughing and working together.  They’re raising their children and attending church together.  They’re doing acts of kindness all over the place, but it seems like all we hear about is the .001% of society who are messing up.

Although the topics listed above come with a sticky side and very adamant or angry people, I truly believe in my heart that all, if not Most People are Good.  Enjoy the song and lyrics (after the ad of course…) by Luke Bryan.

Grateful for you and coming clean,

Sheree