Now that my children are adults, I’ve realized that I’m a better texting mom, than an ‘in person’ one…

I’m a Better Texting Mom

While texting I can delay my answers, think more in depth on the question, and step away more easily. I’m sort of a peer, sort of…

When texting my ‘adults’ (code for my children) they don’t see my eyes, which means that over-bearing mom thing, can’t be seen.

I know they like when I visit, but they also see things in my eyes, things I can’t hide. The “I can help you hang those clothes up.” look, the “Do you need help with grocery shopping?” glance and the “Shouldn’t those bills be filed?” blink.  I know, I know, I’m becoming my Mother….

But is becoming her so bad? She had four daughters, how did she do it, as well as my dad who kept us all hopping.  Perhaps all she had time for were the glances; the ones I’m giving now.  Glances that came from tired but caring eyes, which I’m sure, were met with the same sighs I now receive.

I’m still learning how NOT to be the “fixer” mom and become the observer.  I am working on how to down shift from the “help you with everything” mother, to the “I know you’ll figure it out” mom.  And though I know we gave our children all the building blocks to become successful, caring humans, the watching and not helping is so very painful.

I have managed to step back from my son, but if he called or needed something I’d be right there, after a 5 hour drive, of course. He’s making a life and a home with his lovely girlfriend, who didn’t get to experience my eyes wandering over his countertops and bedroom floor a few years ago – lucky girl.

But it’s the daughter who is just starting off on her own. Wings spread, with no fear and the attitude “you only live once.”  She’s killing me… My overwhelming desire to help, clean, arrange, and organize is not necessarily “her” ideas and she has been on the receiving end of that mom eye-thing a lot lately (sorry honey).  She is just on the verge, as my son was 4 years ago, of starting her own journey and that is why texting will be my saving grace.  I will be there at the touch of a button, while keeping those mom eyes at bay.

I hope to graduate from a good texting mom to a better talking mom, like my Mom eventually did with me in my early 30’s. She visited me, without Dad, we ate donuts, drank margaritas and held hands at the zoo.  That’s the mom I’m striving for, the “I can’t wait to talk to you again” mom.

This is for you Mom, gone 22 years yet it seems like yesterday. Can’t wait to talk to you again…

Grateful for you,

Sheree

I just got back from 12 days in Arizona, planning and coordinating a beautiful outdoor wedding for the daughter of a friend. Handmade decorations, favors, escort cards, outdoor lighting, tables, chairs, linens, liquor, flowers, hay bales, food, water, ice, ice and more ice… Well it was in Arizona, outside and 95⁰.

Happily Married – Photo by The Pros

After being the “day of” wedding planner for a few weddings I am still amazed how expensive they are. Not to mention ALL the work that goes on behind the scenes, especially if you’re having it on a few acres at your home and expecting 150 people.

While working outside in the heat, I had some time to think about things relating to weddings, like manners and common sense.  That is, before my brain began to melt….

• The concept of what a bride’s family and groom’s family pays is really outdated. I can’t ever remember one groom’s family asking for a dowry, so try and get expenses sorted out up front.
• When asked nicely, things – even the near impossible things – can be accomplished.
• RSVP – Répondez S‘il Vous Plaît means – PLEASE RESPOND.  So please respond either way by the date requested – NOT the day of.
• Attending a wedding is like attending a well-mannered party. This means you don’t throw food on the floor, even if it is outdoors.
• If attending, bring a gift that lets the couple know you’re helping them start their life together, not allowing them to visit McDonalds for lunch. If you know the wedding is in the future, budget money every week for the gift. You must have been very special to be invited, let them know how special they are.
• I wonder if guests really see ALL the small details that cause brides to become unglued months and weeks and days before the event. As you sit at a wedding, take the time to look around and notice. Consider all the time, effort and money that were put into the event, be grateful for being invited to share in the day, enjoy being dressed up and thank your host. Please don’t complain because things didn’t go the way ‘you’ thought they should.
• Fathers, Mothers, Uncles and Aunts need handkerchiefs.
• When attending a wedding where favors are given, please take them. They meant a lot to the bride as she painstakingly put them together.
• I love that family and friends help out before the big day and when they’re dressed up on the day of. They roll up their sleeves and help with everything you ask.
• Doing whiskey shots with good friends after all the work is done is Priceless!

This has got me wondering what my children’s weddings will be like?  It may just be time for another whiskey…!

Grateful for you

Sheree

Lesson from 9-11

Today there will be A LOT of stories written about the sadness and the horror.  There will still be people blaming this party or that and the cursing of people’s political beliefs or religions.  Have they missed the lessons that were given to all humans, that day 13 years ago on September 11?

My observations on the lessons from 9-11…

People were incredibly kind on that day and the days that followed.  The sense of loss enveloped everyone and how reverent we all became.  After coming to grips with the thought that it could never happen here, in our beloved and protected America, we became humble.  We came face-to-face with the far-fetched thought that an action, out of our control, could strip us of our lives, families, careers, and bank accounts.  This caused us to become genuinely caring humans on that day and the days that followed.

Dialogues were opened with families, friends, neighbors, and strangers.  We held our children, spouses, and parents a little closer understanding how precious life is and how in a blink it can be gone.  As a neighborhood we stood by the playground hand-in-hand with strangers, taking turns sharing our own prayers.  Walls we created, cinderblock or imaginary, were removed and we began to see each other as humans not as adversaries or strangers on that day and the days that followed.

When I drove on the nearly empty highways people drove slower, more conscientiously, with more kindness and patience.  Politically driven news stations reported the same thing, with the same angle, with the same truth, not slanted in any one direction, just head on reporting of what had happened on that day and the days that followed.

People talked about the quiet that seemed to emerge on that day and the days that followed.  There was no laughter from children playing outside; no sounds from airplanes and even the birds seemed to stop singing.

On that day the whispers of prayers, the sound of tears falling and millions of inconsolable thoughts had been released into our landscape and with the whoosh of humankind emotions, the land had been silenced.  Did disaster remind us — abruptly — in the silence — to pray, reflect, and apologize on that day and the days that followed?

Have we let the noise and numbness return and replace the feelings we felt and how we treated one another on that day?  Did we remember those lessons on the 4,748 days that followed?

I’m thinking today is a perfect day to reflect, regroup and realign our priorities and remember the lessons that were given to us, the ones that should never be forgotten, today or the days that follow.

Grateful for you,

Sheree

** In memory of the souls lost in 9-11-01 **

Here’s an incredibly special talk given by the son of a terrorist which was just carried on Ted.com.  I think every child on this planet should hear this gentleman speak.

Zak Ebrahim: I am the son of a terrorist.  Here’s how I chose peace.