RESPECT

It’s not hard to observe the lack of respect today. Nearly every day there is something written about it, posted about it or filmed about it.  Why do children seem so disrespectful?  What happened?

How did the noun – respect – become such a bad word?

I’ve asked friends how they were taught respect. We all agree there was a very fine line between respect and fear when growing up.  I understand why you shouldn’t respect someone because you fear them, but we were definitely raised on that fine line.

We feared disappointing our parents and the consequences for misbehaving.  We were taught to respect the law or there would be hell to pay. As children we respected our elders no matter what race, sex or ethnicity because we were told to.  As I grew I then understood why we should.  In the hierarchy of the family we were placed at the bottom; we were definitely seen but not heard when adults were speaking.  We feared our teachers but most of all the fallout from our parents.  There seemed to be a direct hotline from school to our homes.  Our parents knew the things we had done before our feet even hit the door step.  And I love this one – our parents gave permission to our teachers, in front of us, to discipline as they saw fit.

The disciplining thing happened to some of “us” in the family, more than others…

We were grounded, had things taken away and if the family couldn’t afford something, we didn’t get it. In a home that didn’t have central air conditioning, our parent’s bedroom had the window AC unit; we had to sweat ourselves to sleep. In a family of six, we had to find our own way to events or school; our parents were the only ones who used the car in our family.  Phone conversations were present for everyone to hear because the corded phone was in the kitchen.  We had curfews and hand-me-downs and ate what was served at dinner, period. Going out to a nice restaurant was about once a year and it was a treat to drive 12 miles for fast food every month or so, if that.

My parents weren’t my friends…

They weren’t my friends until I was in my mid to late 20’s.  I often told my children when they were growing up, that I wasn’t their friend either, I had plenty of those.  But I was assigned the task of parenting them which didn’t allow us to be friends – until later.  Thank God they’re old enough – I love hanging out with them now!

I need to make something perfectly clear; I do not blame the disrespectful children of today for their behavior. How can you, they didn’t come out of the womb with an attitude.  But somehow many parents stopped the whole fear/respect thing and decided it was easier to be friends with their offspring than to teach them hard lessons.  Life at home was easier if they defended their child’s bad behavior rather than standing up for the teachers who are with them all day.   Giving in to tantrums or shoving an electronic device under their noses was easier than taking the time to speak and interact with them.  And it appeared to be easier to give and give until the checkbook said $0.00 than to say no.  A lot of parents believe their children are perfect, polite and kind when in reality their children are imperfect, rude and disrespectful.

Children should have a voice, after they’ve gained the respect to be heard.

Good behavior, good work ethics, good deeds, and responsibility earns respect.  A kind heart, respecting themselves and others, plus animals, property and laws, earns respect.  Learning to fail, to try, fail and try again, earns respect.  Being grateful for whatever is laid before them, earns respect.

And although I sound like children aren’t being taught by their parents or the adults around them, oh, they are. Children are observing their parents yelling at their teachers, flipping off people, cutting each other off in their cars, and hiding behind electronic screens while rudely attacking another person’s opinions with offensive and hurtful replies.  They’re watching adults ignoring laws and proceeding through life with an “I do what I want” attitude.  They are also being taught that they are not as important as the cell phone, that never leaves their parent’s hand.

Children look up to us as role models, and we as adults often search out the worst in people, their faults, their imperfections, and their differences. We’re addicted to see which person will be kicked off the island or who the latest victim in the headlines might be.  We’re the examples these children emulate.

When did we, the adults, lose our sense of respect?

We need to begin practicing respect –  like holding doors and saying please and thank you, plus letting those last minute cars merge in without having a heart attack. We need to actually read what we’re commenting or posting and stop to think – “Is it true?” and “Will it help?”,  then hit delete if either answer is NO.  We’ve got to reintroduce ourselves to the often forgotten world that’s just outside the door – nature.  We need to realize it might not always be around if we don’t respect the earth.  And maybe it’s time we all respect the fact that we are pretty damn lucky just to be here, in this moment, in this country and on this planet.

We need to start respecting ourselves more, too. Besides the obvious of eating better, drinking less and exercising more, we need to disconnect.  We have to begin to think our own thoughts rather than the thoughts that are constantly being infused into our heads by the news, social media or acquaintances.

We need to be quiet, talk less and listen more.

A neighbor shared with me two words from the sermon at her church – Taste and Talk. I thought, ok….?  She went on to explain how the priest shared that in today’s world we care so much about what goes into our mouths, the TASTE of food or drink, but we think nothing of what comes out of our mouths when we TALK, words that are full of anger, untruths and cruelty.  His observation was so precise!

There has to be a breaking point where common decency, respect and courtesy returns. The youth of today won’t find it in social media or the news.  They won’t find it in adults who break the law or who only think about “me.”  They need to be shown by their family, their neighborhoods and their schools.   They need to experience the reward of a job well done or owning and taking care of something, plus they need to experience the consequences for their lack of respect.

We don’t need to be friends with these little darlings; we just need to be better teachers of the word: respect.

Grateful for you,

Sheree