Every year I take a little time to review a few of the life changing events that have shaped my life. This week I’m celebrating the 5th anniversary of my little ‘something, something,’ the one we called Boomer. Well it wasn’t quite little, it was 3 lbs. of ‘something.’
In the two weeks before surgery during the ultrasounds, cat scans, biopsy and blood draws, I lived trying not to believe I had a ‘something’ inside me. But the dark side crept in and I ran through a lot of scenarios in my mind. Leaving my children… Not dancing with my son at his wedding or helping with my daughter’s wedding dress. Not holding grandbabies or retiring with a husband who had gone through so much with me. I wondered how it would be to leave my sisters; each held a special place in my heart. How could I say good-bye to my entire family or my friends, the ones that meant so much to me? Would I miss hearing the wind through the leaves or the birds in the morning?
What about sunsets and sunrises, would I miss them too?
They described my ‘something’ as a retroperitoneal sarcoma a “rare tumor occurring almost exclusively in female patients…” No explanation of where it came from or how long it had taken residence in there. Exclusively female – hmmm – would that be because women keep so much hidden inside or the need to make everyone happy?
After I physically recuperated,
- It was time to put my big girl pants on, be gentle with my psyche, and get on with the business of living…
- Put into action all the heart-to-heart talks and promises I made to God in the days leading up to the surgery.
- Appreciate all those things I thought about missing.
- Prioritize my life.
- Figure out how and why I grew that little ‘something,’ so my daughter or friends wouldn’t grow a Boomer too.
This is what I’ve observed after 5 years of research.
How NOT to Grow a Tumor…
- Don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t worry… you’ll deal with whatever it is.
- Don’t keep things inside, unsaid and undone. Swallowing your feelings, your thoughts, your desires, your dreams and pushing them farther and farther inside creates – what I believe – a Boomer, a cancer, an ulcer, a disease.
- Justifying stress, anger, worry, indifference, unkindness, insecurity, loneliness, jealousy, and greed just adds to that ‘something.’
- Say things that need to be said, you can do it with love and grace, don’t swallow it. If people can’t hear it, it’s their choice. You needn’t make them believe what you believe; they’ve got their own thing going on.
- Some things don’t need to be said if they are meant just to be hurtful.
- Be good with ‘you’ every morning. Believe that today might be the last and be at peace with everyone and everything.
- Don’t talk about people. If friends talk about other people, know they’re talking about you and it’s drama that just causes my first bullet – worry.
- Re-evaluate the value of your relationships.
- Be kind, be respectful, be loving and give as many hugs as you can.
- Sit quietly, be still and listen. I myself have like 47 voices in my head, it takes a little while to quiet them all down, so give yourself the time you need each day.
Don’t Live for the “LIKES.”
- My daughter and her boyfriend asked me to watch an episode from the series Black Mirror on Netflix. This specific show is Season 3, Episode 1, titled “Nosedive.” It’s a perspective how the ‘LIKES’ can shape our lives – and NOT in a good way. It’s really something to watch.
- Don’t wait to get the call that something has grown, something has developed, or something is spreading, to make a change. Believe me and my 47 voices… it’s not worth it.
Thank you for reading my mind-dump blog for the past three years and helping me celebrate the 3 pounder that shifted my life, hopefully, in a better direction.
Grateful for you and all those who got the call and bravely deal with it each day!